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Fathers’ Verbal Abuse Against Daughters Linked to Patriarchal Communication in Lombok Study
A 2026 study by Sely Rohmayuni and Ellys Lestari Pambayun of PTIQ University reveals how verbal violence against girls in Parigi, Lombok, is shaped by patriarchal family communication and limited understanding of Islamic gender values. Published in Jurnal Multidisiplin Madani (MUDIMA), the research highlights how fathers’ communication styles—often harsh and authoritative—can harm daughters’ emotional well-being and reinforce gender inequality. The findings matter as Indonesia continues to face high rates of child abuse, particularly affecting girls.
Background: Rising Concern Over Violence Against Girls
Violence against children remains a pressing issue in Indonesia, with girls disproportionately affected. National data recorded tens of thousands of cases annually, many originating within the family environment.
In West Nusa Tenggara, including Lombok, cases have risen in recent years, driven by low awareness of child protection and entrenched cultural norms.
The study places this issue within a broader context:
- Girls often have less social power and limited voice in family decisions.
- Parenting stress and rigid authority can trigger verbal and physical abuse.
- Communication patterns rooted in patriarchy normalize harsh discipline.
Researchers argue that these dynamics contradict Islamic teachings that emphasize fairness, compassion, and dignity in family relationships.
How the Study Was Conducted
The researchers used a qualitative case study approach, focusing on Muslim families in Parigi, Lombok.
- Participants: Five key informants, including fathers, community members, and religious figures
- Data collection: In-depth interviews and field observations (January–March 2026)
- Analysis: Data reduction, categorization, and verification using triangulation
This method allowed the researchers to capture real-life communication patterns between fathers and daughters.
Key Findings: Communication Patterns That Enable Verbal Violence
The study identifies several communication patterns, based on gender communication theory, that contribute to verbal abuse:
1. Public vs. Private Communication
Fathers rarely engage in intimate, one-on-one conversations with daughters. Instead, communication tends to be formal, distant, or directive.
2. Direct and Harsh Speech
Many fathers rely on firm commands and raised voices, believing authority must be maintained through strictness.
- Gentle language is often perceived as weakness
- Harsh speech is normalized culturally
3. Limited Listening
Fathers often prioritize authority over dialogue.
- Daughters’ opinions may be ignored
- Emotional expression is discouraged
- Listening is not seen as part of parental responsibility
4. Restricted Questioning
Girls are discouraged from asking questions about their future, education, or marriage.
- Curiosity is sometimes seen as disobedience
- Decision-making remains dominated by fathers
5. Conflict as Control
Conflict is often resolved through dominance rather than discussion.
- Verbal aggression reinforces authority
- Cultural practices, such as early marriage, intensify control over daughters
6. “Report Talk” vs. “Rapport Talk”
Fathers use communication to assert status (“report talk”), while daughters seek connection (“rapport talk”). This mismatch creates tension and emotional harm.
Cultural and Religious Influences
The research highlights how local traditions and patriarchal norms shape communication:
- Men are positioned as decision-makers and authority figures
- Women and girls are expected to obey
- Verbal discipline is often seen as normal parenting
However, the study stresses that these practices are cultural—not inherently Islamic.
As Ellys Lestari Pambayun of PTIQ University explains, Islamic gender communication “should be dignifying, not subordinating,” emphasizing equality in dignity despite role differences.
Impacts on Girls
The consequences of verbal violence are significant and long-lasting:
- Low self-esteem
- Anxiety and emotional distress
- Rebellious or aggressive behavior
- Difficulty forming healthy relationships
Girls raised in such environments may internalize inequality, limiting their confidence and life opportunities.
Islamic Communication Principles as a Solution
The study proposes a framework based on Qur’anic communication values to prevent verbal violence:
- Qaulan Sadida – truthful and just speech
- Qaulan Ma’rufa – kind and appropriate words
- Qaulan Karima – respectful and honorable language
- Qaulan Layyina – gentle and soft speech
- Qaulan Maysura – polite and easy-to-understand communication
These principles promote empathy, dialogue, and mutual respect within families.
Real-World Implications
The findings carry important implications for multiple sectors:
For families:
- Encourage open, empathetic communication
- Replace harsh discipline with dialogue
For educators and religious leaders:
- Promote gender-sensitive parenting education
- Align cultural practices with Islamic ethical values
For policymakers:
- Strengthen child protection awareness programs
- Integrate gender communication training into premarital counseling
For communities:
- Challenge harmful norms that normalize verbal abuse
- Support girls’ rights to education and self-expression
Author Profile
Sely Rohmayuni – Researcher in gender communication and Islamic studies, PTIQ University.
Ellys Lestari Pambayun – Professor and expert in Islamic communication and gender studies, PTIQ University.
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